My Training as a Good Girl
If there were a survival manual for girls growing up in our society, I’m fairly certain I completed the training. And with flying colours.
The syllabus was simple.
Be polite.
Don’t argue.
Understand everyone’s moods.
Fit in.
Keep the peace.
And above all, be nice.
Like many girls, I believed that when people called you “so mature for her age”, you were doing life right.
In this syllabus, I was an excellent student.
And yet, when the results came in for public acceptance, I ‘failed’.
And this failure, in the eye of what society has deemed “acceptable”, was the most freeing and evolving moment of my life.
Because, from here, I went on to learn a new syllabus called ‘Standing Up for myself’.
The lessons are unfamiliar at first.
Saying no.
Disappointing people.
And most importantly, realising that keeping the peace is not always the same as keeping your dignity.
Slowly, I started doing things that gave me joy and peace. I started asking myself what I really wanted.
And somewhere along this journey, I realised I hadn’t completely lost the good girl either. I didn’t have to become the loud rebel. I learnt that I could choose to be myself in a way that suits my temperament.
I learnt that kindness does not require silence. That understanding others does not mean abandoning yourself.
I learnt that when you respect yourself, those who respect you will still stay, and the only ones that leave are the ones who benefited from your self-sacrifice.
Perhaps that is what “Give to Gain” means to me.
When women begin to use their voices honestly, even if gently, even if imperfectly, we then give others permission, space and courage to do the same. It begins with us.
And in that small act of courage, we gain something many of us were never taught to claim : Space.
A thought I try to remember:
You can be kind without being convenient.
Archana Gopinath
Founder, The Reading Room
