There was a phase in my life when I honestly didn’t recognise myself. Before I even had a name for what I was going through, every day felt like dragging my body through mud. I had no energy, no interest, nothing felt exciting anymore. Getting out of bed felt like a full-time job. But I still pushed myself to go to work, because I didn’t want everything to fall apart.
My sleep was a mess, I cried for no reason, and I felt exhausted even after doing nothing. I kept telling myself, “It’s just a phase,” but deep inside I knew something was off.
Then one day, it all hit me at once. I had a breakdown so bad that I couldn’t stop crying. My chest tightened, I couldn’t breathe properly, and I genuinely felt like I was losing control. That panic attack was my wake-up call. That was the moment I realised I can’t keep going like this. I need help.
So I reached out for medical support. That’s when I learned I had anxiety, PMDD, and depressive traits. My doctor told me to slow down, take things gently, and even suggested a change of atmosphere. It wasn’t easy, but I resigned from my job and took a one-year break. At the time, it felt like everything in my life had paused.
The hardest part of that break wasn’t the free time, it was the constant feeling that I wasn’t good enough. I kept thinking, “Did I quit because I’m weak? Will I ever be able to handle work again? Will I ever feel normal?”
Those thoughts hurt more than anything else.
But healing isn’t dramatic. It’s slow. It’s small. And it often looks boring from the outside.
During that year medication helped stabilise me, reading became my escape and craft-making gave me small pockets of calm
Looking back, I realise something important:
It’s completely okay to slow down.
It’s okay to rest.
And I actually deserve support and compassion,just like anyone else.
After one and a half years, I finally went back to work. And honestly, it felt like a blessing. I got a job in a comfortable, supportive environment where I felt understood. I didn’t have to act strong or pretend to be someone else. I could just be me. And that feeling of being accepted as I am healed parts of me I didn’t even realise were hurting.
Today, life isn’t perfect. But it’s mine. And I’m learning to live it with more kindness toward myself.
If you’re going through something similar – anxiety, PMDD, depression, or just a tough phase – just remember – take your time. Start again if you need to. Ask for help. Healing is slow, but it’s real. And it’s absolutely possible.
