Hi, I am Jemimah. I am a law student, living in Kochi. And here’s my story of survival.
Survivor Series: Jemimah
From a very young age I had the feeling of being unwanted, I felt I was a burden and I shouldn’t have been born. But I thought this feeling was very normal and would go away. But it always stayed. From my childhood to the age of 18 years was the time I suffered alone. As a child I was scolded by my mother for crying. I felt that I was the problem all the time. I never cried in public and wanted to present myself as a happy person. I didn’t want my friends to know about my issues, because i didn’t want them to waste their time trying to solve my issues. Putting on a fake smile was the easiest thing I could do, all because of the practice from a young age. I have tried to suffocate myself. But again I knew self-harm would affect my family’s reputation, my sister’s future, so I was caught up in the struggle between life and death.
Survivor Series: Jemimah
When I joined college, I got awareness about mental health from various sources. And this made me understand that my suicidal thoughts are not normal and it should be addressed. Slowly I started talking about it to my friends, then my sister and dad. But I still kept the heaviness of the feeling from them. The suicidal thought hit hard when a friendship turned into toxic relationship and broke apart. I tried to hide my pain from my friends and even myself by refusing to seek help. One day somehow I summoned up the courage to talk about it to a friend and she helped me to get more help. Slowly the wound was being opened and my friend Lettisha suggested me to read the book The Artist’s Way, which led me to journaling, self-care and affirmations. Opening my wound to my close friends made me realize that all these years I have betrayed myself. Being part of the self-help group, named Soul as a Race has given me the feeling that asking for help is the greatest form of self-love. The unwanted thought to kill myself has disappeared and it doesn’t seem to appear anymore, even when I am caught up in a tough situation.
I am grateful to all my friends who were always there for me – who listened to me without judging me and for showing care and compassion. I am so grateful to myself – for being there through all these years of pain and struggle.
— Jemimah George
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