Coming from a place that measures an individual’s worth based on the number of medals and graduation caps they own, I was, at a very young age, taught that I was to put every minute of my breathing life to “productive” use. A pre-final year engineering student in one of the top tier institutes in the country, rejections from several coveted IT companies coupled with escalating problems from an already abusive home came as red on my ledger I couldn’t wipe off. The sense of worthlessness and helplessness that came along with it plagued me for more than a year – the most difficult phase of my life so far.
I lost all my self-confidence at once, and with that, the vigor to do anything that I used to like, and the strength to face other people. I was convinced that no matter how much effort I put towards something, I’d never be good enough, that no matter how hard I tried, there would be someone better. I was convinced that I wasn’t fit for a world where I’d never be good enough. I’d spend sleepless nights thinking about how the world would be affected if I just ceased to exist.
Survivor Series: Anonymous3
The hand that helped me, is still helping me out of the dark place I had locked myself in, was my mother’s. What she told me is what I have to tell others like me – there’s always going to be someone better than us. The sooner we realise it, the better. But that’s not a bad thing at all. Liking something and being good at something are entirely different. At the end of the day, our happiness is what matters more than anything else in the world.
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