Thinking of tying the knot?  Looking for a long lasting, healthy and happy married life? Don’t ignore the significance of pre-marital health check-ups. Get yourself and your partner tested for any physical, mental or emotional health issues.

Love Marriages Vs Arranged Marriages

When you are in love and have lived together with your partner for some time, you will get an idea about your partner’s physical, mental and emotional health. And if you both find each other compatible and still in love, you might want to be together for the rest of the lives. And getting married is the best thing to do!

Matrimonial Advertisement from a newspaper in Kerala

Matrimonial Advertisement For Groom

Matrimonial Advertisement from a newspaper in Kerala

Matrimonial Advertisement for Brides

But not every culture gives this luxury. Especially in India where marriage is a family business. Most of the time its the family that tells you that its time for your marriage. And then you just decide to get married because its “time for marriage”. So when this time comes your family, friends, relatives, etc. start this frantic search for the so-called arranged marriage prospect.

A union where the bride and groom only knows how the other person look, their educational and social status, job and salary status and if they can hold a conversation for some time. And the decision is made. Arranged Marriage – an agreement to live together for the rest of your life.

A glance at the Matrimonial advertisement and what do you see?Horoscope , birth star , height, weight and  skin complexion of the prospect. Nothing more!

 

Life after Marriage

How would you feel if you discover after your marriage that your partner had some serious health issues and you need to bear with the consequences for the rest of your life?  What if this is not what you wanted from a marriage?

If the information is known beforehand then you at least get to make an informed decision on whether you want to take up this responsibility or not.

But if it’s after marriage, then you are left with only 2 options – either accept the fate or leave the marriage.

Recommended Health Check-ups

Sadly, the more the number of such marriages, the more the number of divorces these days. Most of which could have been avoided if the following basic check-ups were made:

Physical health:

  • Tests for sexually transmitted diseases
  • Infertility Screening Tests for both men and women
  • Blood group test for Rh factor
  • Chronic genetic disorders

Mental health:

  • Checking for conditions like schizophrenia, depression, mood disorders, mania, etc.
  • Tests to find behavioural and personality disorders

Even though the Physical health check-ups are gaining popularity here, the mental health check-ups are still neglected, even by the so called educated middle class families who are the drivers of the arranged marriage culture.

 

You can make the same mistake twice, if ignorant!

40 years back when my parents got married they didn’t know about these tests. My mother didn’t know that my father had Schizophrenia – a serious mental illness which caused him to commit suicide- which would make her a widow in less than 10 years of marriage. At that time technology and science was not well advanced, which would make a nice excuse.

10 years back when I got married nobody gave me this advice. And the consequence was a failed marriage and the suffering of 2 families and all involved parties. Technology was well advanced then, and we were the so called educated middle class family. No excuse this time!

When I succumbed to the family pressure to go for an arranged marriage little did I know that I was going through an episode of Depression. I was not mentally/ emotionally ready for a marriage. Nobody knew that – not even myself. Later when I was clinically diagnosed with Depression, I realized that marriage at that point was the biggest mistake I made unintentionally.

If I was tested Psychologically, I would have been diagnosed with Depression which compromises a person’s thinking and decision making capabilities. Marriage would have been out of question then and there. The focus would have been my recovery. This crucial step was missed while the families were looking for other sorts of compatibility.

History Repeats…

In our culture there is a superstitious belief that if someone is “crazy”, get him married and he will be fine. Craziness could be defined in many levels ranging from a mild personality disorder to serious Bipolar Mania or Schizophrenia.

Sadly I heard the same excuse last month from another educated family which made me write this post. So a humble request to all my brothers and sisters who plan to get married, please do the health check-ups along with your partner to ensure a successful and happy marriage. Along with these tests please ensure that you go for a pre-marital counseling which would give you an idea of what to expect from a marriage and the joining of 2 different families and how to make your own family.

Failure in this step often results in marital couples seeking counseling at a later stage in marriage when the relationship has reached the crisis point. Recovery from this point is often hard. By that time some irreparable damages would have been done. The victims of this would mostly be your children who would grow up to be troubled adults with various mental/emotional/personality disorders.

And I believe that suicide prevention in children should start as early as possible – probably at the point when a couple decide to tie the knot. After all healthy and happy children are the outcome of a healthy and happy marriage.

Of course you can always opt for divorce, but the pain and hurt in breaking a relationship is something that lingers for a longer time, especially in children. Prevention is indeed better than cure especially when it comes to marriages and raising healthy children. Don’t you agree?

 

Sherin Noordheen

Founder-Director, Let’s Live

 

Post byLet's Live!

In my pursuit of happiness, I realized that the easiest way to be happy is to be of use to others!